This didn’t take very long.

Both Steve and Ray have convinced me that The Tool That Cannot Be Denied is in fact a tool to accurately size tenons without measurements.  And Steve, you will need to find something else to dislike, because I fixed your gripe. Thanks too. So Steve and Ray, drop me a line (john@bridgecitytools.com) to see what you have won!

Because inquiring minds want to know, the dimensions of the sample in the pic below are as follows;

The “foot” is 44mm in length and the overall height as shown is 95mm.  It is a don’t ask, don’t tell companion to the Kerfmaker.

Since most people make mortises first (and no, it doesn’t really matter) this little tool will allow you to gauge the mortise width (from 3.2mm up to 31.75mm) and then use the tool as flip stop to size the tenon cheek cuts PERFECTLY.

We will post videos in a couple of weeks.

Now we need a name…are you game?

You know you want it.

–John

PS: Received an email from Cooter Ditchman wondering if the hole was for a battery. “If this is not powered, it ain’t worth a bucket of spit.”   He then proposed a trade for one of his “gator paw” ashtrays.

Should I do it?

Well, here is a new fascinating gizmo, sure to peak your interest. Yes, it is functional… Yes Megan Fox has one pre-ordered–she’s no dummy but you might be if you can’t figure this out.

You know you want it.

This is… The Tool That Cannot Be Denied!



And the answer is?

Oh, and for all those anal retentive types; yes, this is 100% anatomically correct. Sad to say. Sorta.

–John

PS: Don’t you think it is cool to proffer an image of a woodworking tool that nobody ever thought of before or would ever want? Me too! And who would dare say such things without issues?

That would be me.

And I need to deal with it.

But then again, who cares.

Oh, that would be me…

–John

I am on my third week and final week of my annual work retreat and this is what I know…

I have a serious problem.

Well, I have many problems but this one is really serious and it will never get cured so I might as well talk about it. And if you are listening, this is one of those life lessons where you must do as I say, not as I do:

Stay away from Megan Fox and that is all there is to say about that.

OK, except for all the phone calls, the four day weekends every other week, and those moronic Hollywood types, she is kinda fun. However she is a Class 5 flibbertigibbet–at least with me anyway and I am going to end this thing sometime in the next seven years. But I digress…

Two years ago, I succumbed to a wild hair and bought my first RC electric helicopter. And my second. Third? You bet. Bought the sixth and eighth just the other night –I am definitely headed to debtor’s prison. Seriously, I am thinking about knocking off a bank to get my next bird and that is where this story becomes relevant to you.

(Disclaimer: The link below contains images that are highly addictive. Furthermore, I have no affiliation with this site other than it is ruining my 401K)

Look if you must. And DO NOT watch the movies.

Now I happen to be weird enough to share that the images in the above link are about as sexy as sexy gets and yes, I warned you this was a serious problem. HOWEVER, being a guy, and living in the guy’s world of gizmos, gadgets, and interesting contraptions, I have been keeping myself awake at night with those images crashing into my kitchen wall, falling into a steaming pot of bouillabaisse and my panic to order spare parts on whatever credit card is not maxed out…

Today I just finished the design of the most radical new tool that I can remember and I owe it all to the inspiration of the images on the website above. Yes, we will becoming out with a woodworking tool that has roots in the HM 4G6 and I suspect a good percentage of you will be gobsmacked when you see it.

And that is all I am going to say about that.

–John

John here, your favorite Tool Potentate reporting from his annual work retreat…

Each year I manage to ameliorate the exigent pressures of the BCTW staff, and the enmity of woodworking forums, by sequestering myself (and a PC) anywhere with 5-digit phone numbers. It is, in simple terms, the narcissistic diktat that keeps Bridge City alive.

“How important” you ask?

Right before I left a week ago, I received this phone call;

“John, we have never met, but I represent an international consortium of investors interested in purchasing Bridge City Tool Works—we believe you will find our offer, an all cash deal in the range of two and a half billion dollars, most attractive. Of course there is room for further negotiations should you disagree.”

“What the hell would I do with two and a half billion dollars?” And then I hung up—I get this crap all the time.  Am I the only person in the world to get acute anhedonia from large amounts of cash? Doubt it.

No less than three minutes later, Megan Fox called me—third time in two hours. What a pest.

Now you understand why it is imperative that I get out of town for three weeks of aberrant behavior–it’s boot camp for my brain.

During this effulgent time, all I do is think about creating yet more tools that nobody wants nor can afford.

Actually, that is an exaggeration.

I do take breaks. Why, just the other day I was enticed by an online ad that offered a breeding pair of Woolly Mammoth fleas for a ridiculous price. This was appealing because I often perform interesting experiments on Louie dog. Unfortunately this plan was ruined when I discovered (upon closer inspection of course) that some moron substituted Himalayan Yak fleas—I felt like a complete idiot.

Undeterred, tomorrow I expect a small vial of platypus venom to be delivered for an enjoyable eschatological experiment I am going to perform on myself.

Regarding new tools—oh my—on day four I was gobsmacked—and that is why I do this to myself. And this is how you too, could someday become a Tool Potentate.

Stay tuned.

–John

This is depressing.

One of the more popular holiday purchases here are gift cards. Unfortunately, we are finding ourselves on the losing end of an organized scam. Here’s how it works;

Evil guy has credit card numbers that are stolen and uses these cards to purchase gift cards from honest companies–of which we are one.  These cards are then immediately put on sale on eBay and other auction sites.

Woodworkers buy discounted cards and make what appear to be legitimate purchases from us.

People are just now receiving their credit card statements reflecting (in many cases) their last minute holiday purchases. When the legitimate owner of the stolen credit card receives their bill they deservedly get upset, both at the charge and at us–nice.

The charge is easily reversed as it is fraudulent and we are stuck with the financial and reputation damages, and right now I don’t know which is worse.

We are working on it but we are asking for your help by resisting the temptation to purchase discounted Bridge City gift cards on auction sites, particularly eBay. Actually, and I don’t have the right to speak for others, but we have data that suggests the vast majority of gift cards on auction sites are either employee theft or organized frauds and we think this is something you should know.

We will modify our site and continue to sell gift cards but will do so via phone orders only.

Thanks for listening.

–John

Last weekend I hopped on down to Austin to participate in a Lie-Nielson Handtool Event for the purposes of meeting with customers and escaping the dreary Portland weather…repeat after me; John is a Bozo. John is a Bozo, John is a Bozo…

Saturday, Austin recorded the lowest temperature EVER (16 degrees Fahrenheit).  Big deal you say? Well, we were exhibiting in a lumberyard where it appeared one wall was missing.

So while I was questioning my sanity, I lost all sense of selfish misery when I looked over and saw one of the TLN staff demonstrating how to sharpen on water stones. Ouch.

However I am pleased to report that the new rails for the Jointmaker Pro work down to 16 degrees. Perfectly.

On a personal note, I went to a sports bar to watch the Texas-Alabama game Thursday evening. This was a real experience (because I was there) and the greatest practical joke ever perpetuated by a concierge–I was the only person who was not a transvestite–whatever pre-op means I look like it–or so I was told.

Now for Something Completely Different;

For whatever reason, and there must be one, I have been asked several times recently (twice in Austin), when am I going to teach my Creativity Workshop again?  Every time I teach this class I swear I will never do it again–it’s like force feeding a big ol’ live snapping turtle to a Mongolian Death Worm–or maybe the other way around. Whatever.

This is the class where on day one the students burn through a bottle of Advil and then, as stated by one student on day five–and I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP–” This was the most fun I have had without Tequila!”

So, with the snapping turtle/Mongolian Death Worm visual in mind, if this is something that may be of personal interest (this coming summer), vote here. If there are enough idea-starved Bridge Citizens who want to discover what it feels like to be 14 again, maybe even 11, we could make a great week together. The most likely venue would be at the Marc Adams School of Woodworking–only because of the food and lack of police.

Did I mention that we always offer di$counts on our tools at these things?

–John

It is always fun to look backwards, particularly when you have this overwhelming sense of not accomplishing much.  So, for those who are tired of most of my prose, I offer the following pictorial of 2009 (in no particular order).

CS-2 CenterScribe

I have an engineer friend who suggested a closed loop cable design as I was bitching about backlash in rack and pinion gears. The result when applied to the CS-2 is fantastic…



CS-12 v2

The number one selling initial offer in our history was the CS-12 Combination Square.  As part of our 25th Anniversary, we conspired to make a line of tools called the “Bridge City Essentials” which we will make at minimum once a year moving forward.  The choice of stainless steel is what makes these tools unique. We dubbed this “The Tool Too Sexy for Mass Production” and it will go into production in early 2010.



The Tools of Bridge City Tool Works: 25 Years through the Lens of Joesph Felzman

In progress, this is the only AUTHORIZED version of our past 25 years. All the others are fake. Available sometime in late 2010.



HP-6v2 Surface Cove Kit

It was one of two additions to the HP6v2 line in 2009. We have more planned for 2010.


Commemorative Tool #16

Currently in production, this little tool is sure to become one of the most cherished little tools we have produced. It is just plain cool.



The JMP SW

When we introduced the JMP in 2008, the internet made us out to be fools. Well, they were wrong but we do understand the current economic climate and we will deliver the JMP SW for $795 in 2010. When you consider that some handsaws today are selling for $300, this tool makes sense in many ways.



HP-6v2 Face Bead Kit

It is one of the most versatile HP-6v2 sole iron combos to date. Did we mention no electricity, hearing protection or dust collection?

The MG-5 Marking Gage

The MG-5 made our “Bridge City Essentials” list. Black chrome and stainless steel, this little tool is simply a joy to use.



The KM-1 Kerfmaker: aka “The Tool You Will Want Real Bad!”

The KM-1 will, sometime in the next year or two, be the single best selling tool in our history. What made this fun is that although I take my design work seriously, me? Not so much. We had a lot of fun putting “fun” into the marketing of this little tool.




The Biggest Surprise of the Year

We made 50 of these and at $2500 apiece (worth every penny) they sold out in about 5-6 weeks in an economy that…sucked–this was a very pleasant surprise.  Gives us lots of ideas…


The DJ-1 Drilling Jig

We are on a quest to allow woodworkers to do high-level work in confined spaces without the need for dust-collection. The DJ-1 when put to the test will exceed the benefits of a drill press (production work excepted) in both accuracy and capability.



The JMPv2

The next version of the JMP which will hit customer’s doorsteps around May, 2010 features linear ball bearing rails. We were happy that we could adapt this technology for existing JMP owners if they choose.



The DSS-6 Double Square, a “Bridge City Essential”

One of the coolest squares in decades. Oh forget that…EVER! Solid stainless steel and a tour-de-force of craftsmanship.



In addition to these products, most of you can attribute your Google search for the Mongolian Death Worm to me, John Economaki.

Next year promises to be better than 2009–if I can figure out a way to deal with Cooter Ditchman and his sidekick, “Bleeder” Dirtsmith.

After reviewing this post for edits, I now understand why I feel so tired.

So, on behalf of all of us here at Bridge City, THANK YOU for making all of our jobs possible and your continued support during difficult times. There is not a day that goes by that we are not truly thankful (except for the crap on the internet…).

Happy New Year Bridge Citizens!

Warm regards,

John and crew.

In this lightning-fast gossip climate, I am forced to report the following before TMZ pays off one of our grossly underpaid staff members…

You should know that prior to our annual holiday staff party last Friday evening, I gave a short speech with the following theme; “Behave as if You were a Bridge City Customer”…

Briefly, here are a couple of lowlights;

• Imagine my surprise to learn that Michael speaks multiple languages–none of them familiar to me or Marissa (our staff word geek, or so she says). We were all clueless, except for the phrase, “more Champagne” which was common to all five dialects.

• Natasha has threatened to sue me because I suggested that dancing on the table would be inappropriate.

• I am also pleased to share that I glanced over the banquet area prior to leaving and ALL of the silverware was accounted for… which is a first.

• Despite my best efforts, I was unsuccessful in my attempts to sell KerfMakers to the wait staff. Damn. (I almost made a sale to the waitress with the scorpion tattoos–all she wanted to know was how hard it would clamp… I said, “Clamp what?”  … she looked at me as if I was an idiot and I KNOW THIS LOOK.)  It was then I violated the number one rule of sales by forgetting to ask for the order.  Michael probably could have closed the sale if he spoke English.

This was our first party at a “biker bar” and I feel like I should share more, however, bawdy and lewd recounts are of no interest to anybody I know, particularly our customers.

Just think, none of this would have been possible without the influence of you and your fellow Bridge Citizens!

Feast on that TMZ!!!

–John

PS: Remember, you heard this here first. Next year we will eat at a place with chairs–if we sell enough of the “Tool Too Sexy for Mass Production”. I promise.